Too often we as a society, thrive on judgment.
From the things others wear, how they look, how they think downright to sexual preferences, there is not a day that goes by, where people do not judge other people.
A specific area which has received mounts of judgment for the longest time now, is BDSM.
BDSM or long for, bondage, discipline, sadism and masochism is simply the act of power-play between two people. Not as complicated as the world often depict it to be, we rallied the top 12 myths about kink, you should rethink.
Check them out below!
#12 BDSM is 50 Shades of Grey
No, it is really not. 50 Shades of Grey is just like the gateway to BDSM, it barely scratches the surface. Besides that, the tropes the movie puts out like, doms have all the power, subs powerless and the whole ordeal, a dirty little secret, can be problematic.
#11 Submissives are submissives in real life
Far from the truth, many people who happen to have rather dominant roles in their real everyday lives, prefer to be subs when they wind down. This gives them a break from constantly having to pull all the reins.
#10 BDSM is rare and uncommon
Do not for once think that you can tell when a person likes kink or not. It isn't something which can be detected just by looking at someone, lifestyle preferences is something buried deep.
It could be rare and uncommon to mention out loud, but it certainly isn't rare and uncommon.
#9 D/S power play happens 24/7
This is honestly dependent on the two people who decide to go with it. It may be an hour a day, 3 days a week, everyday, whichever ground rules is agreed upon.
However, it does not happen all the time for every couple.
#8 BDSM is not for feminists
Females having the autonomy to do what they want with regards to liberation, boundaries, rights and desires only further establishes feminism, instead of crippling it.
It is for anyone who wants it.
#7 BDSM is expensive
Of course having sexual toys can be enticing, however, BDSM can happen with the absence of all of them. It is a state of mind and attitude, so DIY'ing your own toys, using hands, mouth, teeth, as well as verbal cues, can be just as, or even more, sexier.
#6 BDSM stems from trauma & abuse
A very dangerous myth about BDSM. People who enjoy kink do not necessarily have to have had trauma or abuse in their past. So many actually find healing, strength, vulnerability and intimacy with BDSM.
Sometimes people merely want to embody a different persona and get freaky with another, it really isn't that twisted.
#5 Women are subs, men are doms
The media most times play a very grotesque role at enforcing toxic beliefs. Gender is not an aspect to consider with BDSM, men can be subs or doms, women can be doms or subs. It all depends on preferences of the two.
The key to power play isn't giving up power to serve, it is to experience the feeling of powerlessness with intent to submit. Subs and doms in actuality, have equal amount of power over each other.
#4 BDSM is all about pain
It's never all about pain, it is about finding the intimate between of pleasure and pain. It can be touches of eroticism, involving subtle role playing, fetishes, sensory play to enhance the senses (blindfolds, earphones), etc.
An agreement should be reached prior to beginning, so that there is a clear cut on boundaries/thresholds, previous injuries, likes as well as dislikes.
#3 BDSM means sex
BDSM is less about sex and more about power. It is getting invigorated by serving or by leading. It does not have to be sexual in nature, or lead to sex. Sometimes it could even just be about words like 'ask permission before deciding anything today'.
#2 BDSM is bizarre and not normal
Those who enjoy BDSM are just open-minded individuals who intend to explore what intrigues them. Kink is basically how certain aspects get you excited and how it makes you feel for another person.
It is not weird, or surface because someone is mentally/psychologically unstable.
#1 BDSM is unsafe
And the biggest myth of all: many think it to be hurtful, harmful or a form of abuse. However, engaging in power-play is giving as well as receiving consent. It is two people genuinely sitting down to decide what is okay, what is not and having each respect the other, as well as themselves.
So long as anything and everything practiced within power-play is mutually agreed upon and enforced, there is really nothing unsafe about BDSM.
There you have it, the top 12 common myths about BDSM which shouldn't shackle you no longer!