There's nothing quite as exciting as dating someone new. From the thrilling firsts – like romantic trips away and using cute nicknames – to the everyday moments like cuddling on the couch and good-night texts, the feel-good vibes are typically out in full force during the initial stages of any situationship. But if you ever plan to get past the honeymoon stage, you need to take some time to get to know each other on a deeper, more intimate level. While sure, exploring each other sexually is great, exploring each other emotionally is equally important. And asking questions to get to know someone is a great way to build that bond and create what could become a lasting connection.
The key here is to ask questions that reveal the tiny little things that make your partner them. You don't need to have another convo about the forecast or whatever you watched on TV last night. Instead, hit on topics that dig a lil deeper, promote stimulating discussions, and help you understand each other a bit better.
Quick disclaimer: You do have to enter into serious, personal territory to really connect, but not all the questions have to unpack past trauma and lead to tears. They should, however, all be engaging and require more than a "yes" or "no" response. The goal is simple: Get them talking.
If you're feeling stumped, we've consulted with dating and relationship experts on the best questions to ask when you really want to get to know someone. Not only do these work for romantic relationships, but they're great to talk about with your friends, parents, strangers on a plane – you name it! Whatever the situation, here are the top 10 Qs to ask so you'll never have to talk about the weather again!
1. What's one question you wish more people asked you?
This simple Q tells you what they enjoy talking about, what may be their passion, and as a bonus, "this gives the individual a very open-ended approach to share things that may be hard to prompt," says licensed psychologist Carly Claney, PhD.
2. What makes you feel accomplished?
We all measure accomplishments differently, and you typically value the things that make you feel accomplished. So whether it's receiving praise at work, protesting for a good cause or reaching a fitness milestone, this is a good indication of what makes them feel fulfilled and successful.
3. Did you have a childhood best friend growing up?
Asking about someone's early years can feel like a lot, so instead, ask about a (likely) positive source of comfort from their younger days. Childhood BFFs can majorly shape us as people, so this might cue you into why they went into their specific line of work or why they love watching movies on Saturday mornings. Besides, it's always sweet to see someone get that far-off, nostalgic look in their eyes when talking about a friend.
4. What's your strangest talent?
It's usually easier (not to mention more fun) for people to talk about their talents when it's a little less "I'm really good at public speaking" and a little more "I can balance stuff on my head." Not only will you likely get a show (I mean come on – you're a good balancer? Show me now!), but throwing this Q into the mix after a few heavier questions will also keep things balanced.
5. Do you have any spiritual beliefs?
Some people might connect over religion right off the bat, but others might have spiritual beliefs that aren't as out in the open. Sure, this can give you insight into whether you'll be expected at midnight mass should you end up together, but it can also shine some light on the guiding force behind many of their actions and morals.
6. Do you believe in life after death?
This might be an obvious answer based on the above question's answer, but plenty of people have beliefs outside of religion. This can be extremely insightful and personal, so make sure to actively listen to their answer and don't try to talk them out of their beliefs. If you want a fun follow-up, ask them what their version of heaven would look like. It's puppies, loved ones, and lots of pizza rolls behind those pearly gates for me!
7. What's your go-to karaoke song?
Some people love public singing and others would rather sit on the sidelines, so sure, you'll get that answer v quickly. But either way, try to phrase this as a "you have to sing" kind of thing. Which song do they know every word to, and why is that song such a big deal to them? If things are going well, you can absolutely request a performance then and there for a playful vibe change. Just be ready to mic up as well for a spontaneous rendition of "Toxic."
8. What's the last dream you remember?
...or what's the last dream they remember that they're comfortable sharing? Dreams can get weird, y'all, but oftentimes, they cue you into what your subconscious is trying to work through. Make a non-judgment rule so you can discuss your dreams freely without fighting over the fact that one of you had a sex dream about Jim Carrey's Ace Ventura.
9. What's the *best* dream you remember?
The definition of a "good dream" really varies depending on the person, their mood, and their values, so while this question seems a little silly, it's actually pretty deep. Whether their favourite dream was when they got to spend time with their grandmother who had passed away years before or got to live in a house made of cheese, you'll get some good intel.
10. Do you have a life motto?
If someone has a mantra, that's one of the greatest indicators of how they *want* to live their life, so pay attention to what they say and see how it aligns with your own goals. Are they a "live fast, die young" or a "slow and steady wins the race" type? There's a biiiiig difference in how those two people will likely want to spend their future.