Here is a common relationship misconception: A lot of people believe they will get what they give. So you invest in him with your whole heart, you prioritize him, you give it your all, and you expect that he'll do the same... but usually, the opposite happens. He continues to throw bare minimum scraps your way and you cling to them desperately, hoping that one day he'll give you something a little more hearty.
First, lets talk about some signs that you aren't his priority.
Why You Aren't His Priority
1. He's in and out of your life.
Maybe you call this being wishy-washy or hot and cold or sending mixed messages, either way, the message is clear: you're not his priority.
2. He doesn't make plans in advance.
If you try to make a plan with him he won't give you a definitive answer and he frequently makes plans with you last minute. He's probably just exploring other options and when nothing better presents itself, he's wide open and ready for you.
3. You're doing all the work.
You mostly initiate calls and texts, you come up with fun date ideas, you're doing it all and he's just along for the ride.
4. He tells you he doesn't want a relationship.
Maybe he doesn't want a relationship with anyone right now, maybe he just doesn't want a relationship with you, but if he says this, just take it at face value. It's possible he does really like you, he just has so much else going on that he has nothing to give. Don't devalue yourself by accepting the bare minimum
5. He doesn't do anything to make you feel special.
If he doesn't really do much aside from showing up and going through the motions, then he isn't invested or prioritising you.
So what now? You realised you're an option and you want to be a priority. How can you turn the tables?
Turn the Tables
1. Don't be afraid to leave.
You need to silently carry the conviction that if this relationship doesn't match your standards, you will leave. And you are not afraid of leaving because you know you'll find better. And if you don't feel this way, you need to get to the root of the self-esteem issues driving this behaviour.
You need to set your intention. Figure out what it is you want, recognise you deserve to have it, and stop settling for what falls short.
2. Establish depth of connection.
When your sense of self-esteem is shaky, then you will be interacting with him like an object instead of a person, he is there to fill your self-esteem tank, to help you feel worthy and validated. Again, you can't connect this way.
The way to form a true connection is to just be present and to just be. You have to let go of your fears because if you are afraid of being hurt, you won't be able to be truly vulnerable and open.
3. Let him know what it is you want!
So many women are afraid to speak up and express their needs for fear of coming across too needy.
If you want certain things from him, try just telling him. It's not what you say, it's the way you say it that makes a difference.
4. Pull back.
If you aren't being treated like a priority, sometimes all it takes is pulling back a bit in order to galvanize his interest and get him to step up once again.
5. Don't commit to him until he has committed to you.
This is probably one of the most essential relationship rules, at least in the early phases before things are defined. Committing yourself to him too soon will throw the dynamic off and it's not going to get you the commitment you want.
6. Prioritise yourself.
You do not become a priority to him by making him your priority, you get it by prioritizing yourself!