Whether you want to get your ex back or you want to get over them you have to follow the no contact rule.
This isn't breaking news, I'm sure you've heard this before. Let's look at why it's so effective.
1. It gives you the space to emotionally detach.
You need to mourn & grieve. You need to just be with yourself. It's a process and that process will be interrupted if they keep coming in and out of your life.
Don't be fooled, this will mess with your head. Every time you let them back in and they leave again, you're going to have to start the 'getting over them' process all over again.
2. You can discover the truth about where they really stand.
Sometimes giving someone a big whopping dose of what they think they want, make them realise that they don't really want it.
So they break up with you, and you're gone. They're probably thinking: "Uh-oh what if she's really gone. What if she's gone forever?" If they think they may have lost you, then the truth about how they feel about you will emerge.
3. With a little bit of perspective, you'll be able to see where things went wrong.
You cant fix anything if you don't know what the real problem was. Break ups have a surface reason and a real reason. A relationship doesn't just unravel overnight. It happens because there's a build up, resentment, negativity and problems, over time. You broke up because there were a lot of things that were broken. You didn't break up because you had a big fight. You had a big fight because there were a lot of problems brewing at the surface. It's never going to work unless you uncover what really went wrong and if it can be fixed.
4. It'll help you get over them.
Now you might be thinking, I don't want to get over them. I want to get them back. Doesn't matter, you have to get over them first. As they say, time heals all wounds but this is not a passive process, it's an active one. You actively have to work on healing. If your relationship has any chance of working and surviving round 2.
5. You avoid the endless 'on again, off again' cycle.
When people don't follow the no contact rule, what usually ends up happening is they break up then they start to miss each other so then they hangout but then they don't see each other for a few days, and they want to hangout again. They end up in this post-relationship no mans land, they have no idea what's going on, if they're getting back together or not, if he still has feelings, if she still has feelings, nobody knows whats happening. That's why you need some clarity, you need space, you need distance. You need time away from each other. Otherwise, you could be in this 'on again, off again' cycle for years.