It's that time of the year again. Roadsides are filled with durian stalls, family WhatsApp groups are planning durian feasts, and suddenly everyone has an opinion on which variety is the best.
Whether you're a die-hard fan or someone who runs away at the first whiff of the King of Fruits, there's a good chance you'll recognise yourself (or someone you know) in this list.
1. The Durian Connoisseur
This person takes durian very seriously.
They can identify the variety after a single bite and somehow know whether it's Musang King, Black Thorn, D24, or something else entirely. They'll discuss texture, bitterness, sweetness, and even which orchard it came from.
To them, durian isn't just fruit. It's an art form.
2. The "Only If Someone Belanja" Person
They absolutely love durian.
The only problem? They don't love paying for it.
You'll never catch them buying their own basket, but the moment someone says, "Come over, I bought durian," they're already on the way.
3. The Tapau King/Queen
One durian session is never enough.
They're always buying extra to bring home because future them deserves more durian too. Breakfast, dessert, supper every meal is a potential durian meal.
4. The Content Creator
Nobody is allowed to touch the durian yet.
First comes the photos. Then the videos. Then the slow-motion shots. Then maybe a Boomerang or two.
By the time the content is done, everyone else is already starving.
5. The Picky Uncle
Every family gathering has one.
They inspect every durian like they're conducting a quality-control audit. They'll poke, shake, sniff, and ask the seller dozens of questions before finally choosing one.
And somehow, they're usually right.
6. The "Just One Seed" Person
"I'll only eat one."
Five minutes later: "Okay, maybe one more."
Before they realise it, they've eaten nearly the entire basket and are wondering where all the durian went.
7. The "I Know It's Heaty But It's Okay" Person
They know exactly what's coming tomorrow.
A sore throat. Pimples. Maybe even a slight feverish feeling.
Do they care?
Not at all.
Because today's durian is worth tomorrow's consequences.
8. The Petua Believer
This person follows every durian-related tip they've ever heard from their parents or grandparents.
Drink water from the durian shell? Done.
Eat mangosteen afterwards? Of course.
Grab a coconut water on the way home? Absolutely.
Whether the petua works or not doesn't matter. Tradition must be respected.
9. The First Timer
They're still trying to understand the hype.
The smell is confusing. The texture is unusual. Everyone around them seems way too excited.
After that first bite, there's usually only two outcomes: they're completely hooked, or they're traumatised for life.
10. The Durian Hater
They can detect durian from a kilometre away.
While everyone else is enjoying the feast, they're looking for the nearest escape route. They'll gladly wait somewhere else until the entire durian session is over.
No judgement. Just distance.
11. The Price Negotiator
Their favourite question is:
"Boss, best price how much?"
No matter what the original price is, they'll negotiate. Somehow, they often walk away with extra durians, free fruits, or a better deal than everyone else.
It's a talent.
12. The Clean Freak
Sticky fingers? Absolutely not.
They're constantly reaching for tissues, wet wipes, or hand sanitiser after every seed. Some even come prepared with gloves to avoid touching the fruit directly.
Their hands stay spotless, but everyone else is slightly confused.
13. The "Car Confirm Smell" Person
This person spends more time worrying about transportation than actually eating.
"Double-bag it."
"Put it in the boot."
"Open the windows."
They're convinced one exposed durian will make the car smell for the next week and honestly, they might have a point.
So, Which One Are You?
Durian season brings out different personalities in all of us. Maybe you're the expert who can identify every variety, the bargain hunter looking for the best deal, or the person who's already preparing tissues before the first seed.
Whatever your durian style is, one thing is certain: durian season always creates some of the best memories, arguments, and food debates among Malaysians.
Now be honest which durian eater are you?
