Love and romance play a crucial role in shaping our attitude, behavior, and the mindset we have in our life. Our brains are designed to fall in love. 

A happy and healthy relationship with that special person that got you hypnotized and mesmerized with, will bring you tons of beautiful memories. However, are you falling in unrequited love? How do you make your relationships work? 

Here are 5 psychology theories that might bring some eye-opening insights to you.

1. The Matthew Effect

In short, the Matthew Effect is a theory that explained the situation whereby the rich will get richer and the poor will get poorer. In terms of relationships, this applies to us when we tend to love our partners more than ourselves. We placed them as the top priority and always willing to give in to them instead of practicing self-love.

Therefore, the partner who received more love and attention will continue to receive more affection while the other side will be the “over giver”. Eventually, this imbalance relationship will burn out the over giver. Therefore, the person that we should love the most in the world is ourselves. 

Never stop to add value by learning new skills, hang out with friends, get prettier, exercise, or commit to making ourselves better than yesterday. When we are in our best form, we will attract a compatible partner that has the same charisma as us.

2. Murphy’s Law

Murphy's law is an epigram that is stated as "Anything that can go wrong will go wrong". This law captures our behavior by focusing on negative things while ignoring the positive things. So how does it apply in a relationship? 

For example, a reciprocal relationship that is fair and square is a bone of contention. Loving someone who does not love you back is disheartening. However, have you thought about why do you encounter this situation in the first place? Did you already feel that your partner will not love you back the same way as you love them from the start? If yes, you are emphasizing the “reciprocal love” from your partner that you know that it will not be equal from the start. 

Truth to be told, most of the relationships are not equal. Hence, we can always try to look at the bright sides and appreciate the little things in relationships. Do not dwell in the same problem, instead, shift your attention to another good thing.

3. Psychological Projection

We tend to project our own attraction to partner and expect them to behave the same. It is not easy to identify a projection. 

One example is when we always encounter colleagues who flirt a lot in our working environment, we tend to project that our partner is facing a similar situation in their working space too. Another example will be if we always treat our friends as the top priority, we will expect our partner to do the same for their friends. 

4. Intermittent Reinforcement

This theory explained that a “reward” is not given every time as expected and only granted unpredictably and inconsistently. Intermittent Reinforcement is the most powerful motivator and manipulation tactic in a relationship because it creates an addiction. 

Similarly, this theory applies in gambling where you are unable to predict the outcome of the slot machine, yet you still play because of the experience of the reward. Therefore, give your partner some freedom that both of you need and reward them occasionally. 

It will make both sides to appreciate each other more and create an “obsession” for the reward! 

5. Recency Effect

The recency effect is the tendency to remember the thing that happened most recently. Let’s imagine if you have a friend that you have a big fight with, and you haven’t spoken to him or her for a long time. 

Can you still remember your last memory of him or her? Are you recalling their good attitudes before the fight or the bad ones after the fight? As a result of the recency effect, the last memory will have a disproportionate effect on your judgment of a person, leaving you a less positive impression on them. 

We do not want our partner to talk bad behind us after a relationship is over. Thus, discuss it and end it well with agreement on both sides and leave a good impression in each other’s memory. 

Long-lasting love is difficult to achieve, but not impossible. Love gives our life meaning, purpose, and sometimes add a little spark in our daily life. Let us master the 5 psychology theories and embark on our journey of love.

Cover Photo: amyseder