Finding someone good to be in a relationship these days is just impossible. Dating used to be so simple in the past, but now there’s tinder and bumble and jerks around every corner. 

Then one day you find someone you really like but they are always not ready. They text you occasionally but not all the time. You aren’t friends but you aren’t really in a relationship with them either. It is all very confusing. Well, I got news for you gurl, you’re just their back up plan. 

If you don’t believe me, here are some of the warning signs that you’re just their spare tire and how you should respond:

1. They hit you up often, but not every day

Just to keep you hanging on by a thread, they will make sure that they text you a few times a week but not all the time. They will even go out with you once in a while and send you some cute selfies once a month but that’s it. 

They will want you to feel connected to them but not too connected, so they won’t completely ghost you. They want you to stay interested in them but won’t want you to take the next step.

What should you do? 

Option 1: Cut them out of your life

Option 2: Call and text them everyday

2. They are slightly romantic once in a while, but they distance themselves when you do the same

If they are just keeping you as a spare tire, they will be sort of sweet or romantic or sexual once in a while but when you reciprocate, they immediately take a step back and try and distance themselves from you. 

They want to feel in control of the conversations and the relationship, so when you decide to be romantic or sexual, they feel like they aren’t in control. They fear that when you start initiating conversations like that you might start to think that whatever is going on between you is serious.

What should you do? 

Point out their behavior the next time it happens and see how they respond.

3. They always make excuses and cancel plans at the last minute

After a sweet text or conversation where they say that they miss you and want to see you, you start making plans to meet with them. How about coffee tomorrow after work? No, I think I have some meeting tomorrow. This happens every time. 

Even if you already agreed on a plan to meet, at the last minute when you’re all ready to go out or the night before you’re supposed to meet, they will suddenly cancel. I’m not feeling well, or something came up. Yeah, right!

What should you do? 

Just tell them you don’t want to continue this relationship or thing that’s going on if they don’t want to see you. 

4. They are always not ready for a relationship

You always feel like the timing isn’t right for the both of you because every time you want to take it to the next level, they are always not ready, or they give you excuses like we are meant to be together but not now. UGH, I’m gagging. 

What should you do?

MOVE ON! How much more time do you want to waste on someone who doesn’t want to be with you?

5. They are already in a relationship, or they are seeing other people

I mean, how much more clearer can it be? If they are in a relationship, they’ll probably complain about how shitty their partner is and how they will be ending things soon. But “soon” will turn to years, and they’ll keep telling you that they’re going to end it soon. 

If they are single, then they’ll probably use the not ready yet excuse. You’ll probably realize that they are seeing other people but when you ask them, they’ll say that it meant nothing. Bla bla bla… the stupidity goes on. 

What should you do?

Give them an ultimatum: take the next step or you’re moving on.